Unlocking Career Confidence: Integrating Professional Goals with Personal Grace

Unlocking Career Confidence: How 'Emily in Paris' Showed Me the Secret to Integrating Professional Goals with Personal Grace

Netflix's Emily in Paris features Lily Collins as a young marketing professional who impulsively relocates to Paris to provide an "American perspective" at a French firm.

When the series begins, Emily doesn't speak French, has no real ties to Paris apart from an Eiffel Tower keychain she's had since middle school, and comes across as a stereotypical American trying to impose her workaholic mindset on a culture that prioritizes work-life balance.

While Emily's fairy-tale optimism can sometimes be irritating—her professional missteps and her unwavering determination taught me important lessons about being the most relatable "main character" in a workplace environment.

Despite facing an unwelcoming and dismissive team, Emily stands firm, refusing to be sidelined by her colleagues. Used to a friendly boss back in Chicago, Emily now contends with a new French superior who is seemingly rooting for her failure to prove a point. Emily endures daily insults and battles relentlessly to make her voice heard.

“As we start in new positions, we are faced with enormous learning curves... we have to offer grace to ourselves for making mistakes as we learn a new way of doing things," says Sonyia Richardson, PhD, LCSW, a clinical assistant professor of social work at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. "Tell yourself, 'I am in the process of learning and learning is not linear. I have to accept the mistakes and accomplishments along the way.'"

But I still long for Emily’s sense of confidence. In an early episode, she bravely speaks out during a commercial shoot for a perfume campaign, criticizing the concept—a naked woman walking across a bridge while impeccably dressed men watch her—as outdated and sexist.

Although Emily's approach could have been less entitled and condescending, and it might have been more appropriate to voice her concerns during a pre-production meeting rather than on the day of the shoot, she stood by her beliefs and ensured her voice was heard.

Claire Shipman, co-author of The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance, an informative and practical guide on confidence and how women can achieve it, explains that "the productive way of navigating this balance of respect for one’s superiors and confidence in one’s own ideas is to have changed the "me" to "we."

"The importance of respect and deference to those who have come before you is essential to being heard and acknowledged as a team player," says Shipman. For example, instead of Emily confrontationally saying, "This is my idea and here’s why I’m right," she could have said, "Here’s why we should approach the commercial this way as it might reflect better on the team as a whole." 

There are diplomatic ways to express differing opinions or ideas. "Make small adjustments to show you recognize your newness while also demonstrating your value. Listen, learn, say yes. Follow the way your bosses operate and then find opportunities to add your unique touch," Shipman advises.

Learning to be resilient and standing up for your beliefs in a respectful, rather than hardheaded, is a challenge many young professionals encounter; it’s not something typically covered in school. As the series progresses, Emily learns to express her thoughts, opinions, and “American” ideas with a grace more fitting for her environment and a respect more aligned with her role, yet her determination never wavers.

In the high-pressure environment of the modern workplace, there's a a distinct fear of failure, an inability to admit mistakes, and a reluctance to forgive oneself for making them.
“Generally, women and girls have higher EQ (emotional intelligence) and are more attuned to the world around us, making us more aware of our shortcomings,” says Shipman. “We often step into new situations believing we shouldn’t speak up until we’ve found the perfect solution, thinking we don’t know how to handle them.”

This mindset makes us risk-averse. Part of the issue is understanding that it’s okay not to be perfect. "Holding back and shrinking is a mistake in itself... our authentic ideas are why we were hired," says Shipman.

Shipman emphasizes the importance of balancing the "live to work" and "work to live" philosophies to maintain a healthy mindset about work. The key to achieving this is finding a job that fulfills you and keeps you intellectually engaged, while understanding that, especially at the beginning, you won't love your job all the time. It's crucial to find a place where you are continually learning and growing. 

Furthermore, Shipman highlights the significance of the French approach, which prioritizes a healthy and happy life over constant work-related burnout. “Work smarter, not harder. Don’t work just for the sake of working. Time is a precious commodity, and you won’t be as productive as you’d like if you don’t take time away from the screen for yourself,” she adds.

Emily taught me to embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth, seek balance rather than become obsessed, and confidently voice my opinions even when others might prefer I remain silent. With her strong “main character" energy, Emily inspired me not to apologize for being myself, to be unafraid of admitting that I’m still learning, and to laugh at my mistakes and recover more quickly.

Emily in Paris

E: [gasps] Madeline, you're in Adweek.
M: What? Where?
E: Right here, under "Movers and Shakers.
M: Ah!

E: Chicago-based Gilbert Group expands international portfolio with acquisition of French luxury marketing company Savoir. Gilbert Group vet, Madeline Wheeler, named director marketing for Franco firm.

M: Yes! I am here to prove that a master's in French does not go to waste. 
E: This is going to be amazing for you.
M: [Sighs] I have been dreaming of moving to Paris forever.

E: Ooh, I just emailed you my thoughts on the presentation for the new IBS drug. It is a social initiative to add meditation to your medication. If you like it, you can pitch it later. Uh, you know, for your last hurrah. 

M: I want you to pitch it.
E: Seriously?
M: Seriously. The client has to start getting comfortable with you.
E: I dont want to step on your toes.

step on the toes of someone: to do something that upsets or offends (someone). You might step on the toes of some important people with this project.

M: Yoo're not. You're stepping into my shoes. You're ready, Okay? This is an opportunity for both of us. Come here. Try this.

step into (someone's) shoes: to take on a particular role or task that someone else has been doing. She's retiring, and it wont be easy to find someone who can step into her shoes.

E: What is it?
M: De L'Heure. It's the latest fragrance from Maison Lavaux. I'll be handling them, their account in Paris. What do you think?
E: It's like wearing poetry. 
M: [Snaps fingers] I'm gonna use that. Does that smell weird to you?
E: No, just floral
M: But...I'm gonna be sick. [Retching]

Dry heaving is retching or going through the motions and sensation of vomiting without producing any vomit. Sucking on ice, eating a small amount of food, and resting with the head propped up are some ways to relieve it.
Dry heaves are extremely common and often occur after periods of vomiting. They can also occur alone as a symptom or side effect of an underlying medical condition or as the result of certain situations and medications.
Dry heaving is also considered the first stage of vomiting, though it does not always lead to vomiting.

E: Oh
M: [vomit splashes]

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I have some crazy news. Madeline's pregnant. She got completely nauseous sniffing the perfume she was planning to promote. She went to the doctor this afternoon. 

Now that she's pregnant, she's decided she's not gonna take the job in Paris. They still need someone there. Like American eyes and ears to help with the whole transition. 

So they asked me if I would take the job for a year. They say that if I did they'd guarantee me senior brand manager when I'm back. The apartment there is already all set up, and there's a relocation bonus. 

I know it's crazy. but when will I get a chance like this? It'll be an adventure. I dont speak French. But, Fake it till you make it [chuckles]

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G: Uh, Emily Cooper?
E: Yes.
G: Hey. I'm Gilles Dufour from the rental agency.
E: Hi. Bonjour.
G: Bonjour. I've got your keys. Apartment 501
E: Merci.
G:Avec plaisir. The building is very old. It doesn't have an elevator.
E: [Panting] Okay. It's charming [grunts]. [groans] Is this it?
G: It's on the fifth floor. This is the forth floor.
E: Uh, I just schlepped up (drag) these bags five flights. This is the fifth floor.
G: In France, first is the ground floor, then the first floor, then the second floor, and so on. 

G: Et voila. Your magnificent chambre de bonne. Um, it means the room for the housekeeper. The top two floors were typically reserved for the servants. The space is small, but the view..

E: [gasps] Oh, my God, I feel like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rounge.
G: You've got all Paris at your feet. There is a wonderful cafe just down below. A friend of mine is the manager.

E: Wow. 
G: So, ca va? It's good?
E: [Emily takes a deep breath] Oui. Tres good. Tres wonderful. [chuckles]
G: Great. Are you hungry? Would you like to have a coffee or..?
E: Oh, actually, I have to get to my office. Can I just get my keys, still vous plait?
G: Yeah. Um, my number is on the card if you need me for anything. 

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E: Hi. Hello. Uh, bonjour. I'm Emily Cooper from the Gilbert Group in Chicago. 
J: You are? 
E: I'm going to be working in this office. 
J: Ah. [line beeps] The American girl is here.

S: [Footsteps approach] Bonjour. [In French] I want expecting you until tomorrow. How was your journey here? The new apartment and everything? 

E: [chuckling] You lost me at bonjour.
S: Oh. Yeah, I was told the American coming here spoke French. 
E: Oh, that was Madeline.  
S: Oh, so you're not Madeline. 
E: Uh, I'm Emily. Emily Cooper. And I'am so excited to be here.
S: Well, that's very unfortunate.  
E: Excuse me?
S: That you dont speak French. It's a problem.
E: Well, I'm going to take a class, but...je parle un per Francis already.
S: Well, perhaps it's better not to try. 

[knocking on door]

S: Oh, Paul. May I introduce Emily, the American girl who's come to work with us? This is Monsieur Brossard, he's the founder of Savoir.  

E: Ah. Emily Cooper. Oh.
P: Hello.
E: It's so nice to meet you Monsier Brossard. 
P: It's a pleasure. Welcome to Paris. So, you come to teach the French some American tricks? 
E: I'm sure we have a lot to learn from each other.
P: But your experience is not with fashion and luxury brand, hm?
E: True. Most of my experience has been in promoting pharmaceuticals and geriatric care facilities.
P: In Chicago.
E: Oui.
P: [Scoffs] I was in Chicago once, and I ate the deep-dish pizza.
E: Ah. That is our speciality. We take a lot of pride. 
P: It was, uh, disgusting. [Paul chuckles]. Like a quiche made of cement.

quiche: a baked flan or tart with a savory filling thickened with eggs.

E: Oh no, you must have gone to Lou Malnati's.
P: And the people are so fat. Why are they all so fat? 
S: Well, perhaps from the disgusting food. 

E: True, we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic. In fact, Merck was one of our biggest clients. They make a diabetes drug that we marketed the heck out of (quite good or impressive). Sales went up 63 percent. 

P: So you create the disease, then you treat the disease, and then you market the treatments of the disease. 

E: Well..
S: Perhaps, stop eating.
P: There is no money in that. 
S: True..
E: Cigarettes cause diabetes and cancer. 
P: Yes. Well smoking is a pleasure. And without pleasure, who are we?
S: German?
P: [Chuckling] exactly right. 
E: [Chuckles] 

P: All of the brands we market here. from perfume to cognac (a high-quality brandy) to couture (fashionable made-to-measures, clothes) are all to do with beauty and refinement (cultured elegance in behavior or manner).
E: Mm-hmm. 
P: Perhaps you have something to learn from us, but I'm not sure if we have much to learn from you. 

E: With all due respect, I have been sent here for a reason so if you wouldn't mind, I would really like to share some of my ideas about your social media strategies. 

P: You mean the Twitter and the Snapchats?
E: Yes. And the instagram. 
P: Ah, by all means. 

-------------------------------------

E: [Click tongue] First, let me apologize for speaking English. I did rosetta stone (learning foreign language through certain resources/app) on the plane but it hasn't kicked in (have an effect) yet. For those of you who haven't met me, I'm Emily Cooper, and I'm so excited to be here in Paris. I'm looking forward to getting know each and every one of you, and likewise, having you get to know me. 

L: My name is Luc. 
E: Yes Luc?
L: Why are you shouting?
E: [Sigh, quietly] Sorry. 
L: [grunt] 

E: Your company works with some of the biggest brands in the luxury sector, from Channel to YSL. And that makes Savoir, your company, or, if I may be so bold, our company, a brand in itself. But to build a brand, you must creat meaningful social media engagement. May I ask who's responsible for your social media here?

J: Patricia.

E: Okay. [Inhales sharply] Anyway, it's not just about the number of followers. It's about content, trust. interest, and engagement. 

L: Excuse me, but the French are masters of social media. 

E: True. But Americans invented it. Which is why I hope to become a valuable member of your team. By adding an American point of view to your fabulous French clients. 

-------------------------------------

S: Paul, who is that girl?
P: It was one of the terms of the sale. They send us one of their people. 
S: How long do we have to put up with this?
P: Well, until she decides to leave.
S: With me as her boss, we'll see how long she lasts.
P: Right, I have to go. 

-------------------------------------

E: [Call] Sylvie, it's Emily. Um, are we closed today, or is there a national holiday I dont know about?  Cause I've been hanging around here for two hours and...

J: What are you doing?
E: I've been here since 8:30. 
J: Puorquoi? We open at 10:30.
E: [Sigh]

-------------------------------------

E: Hi Patricia. I'm wondering if I can share some ideas I have about how we might enhance our social media engagement. I'm so excited about the potential here.

P: No! No! [Breathing shakily and go]

-------------------------------------

E: Sorry, I thought this was my apartment. Fifth floor?
G: This is the Fourth floor.
E: Right. Merci. Uh, I'm Emily Cooper, your new neighbor.
G: American?
E: Oui. From Chicago.
G: Gabriel, French, from Normandy.
E: Nice to meet you.
G: Enchante.

-------------------------------------

E: [bring a baguette and cheese to a park bench when the children Mindy is nannying run past her, knocking her food to the ground]. 

M: Excusez-moi! [In French] I'm Sorry. Can I buy you another one? 
E: Sorry, I dont speak French
M: Ah, American?
E: Yes. But did you think that I was French?
M: Honestly, no. I was being polite. You.. look American. Are you from Indiana?
E: Chicago?
M: Oh, I was close. I went to junior high in Indianapolis.
E: Oh, cool. No way! Why?
M: Ah, Long story. Very boring. The story.. and Indianapolis. But the girls, they look like you. Nice. 
E: Are those your children? 
M: No, I'm their nanny. I'm teaching them Mandarin. 
E: How long have you been here? 
M: Uh..almost a year. From Shanghai. But my mother's from Korea. Another long, boring story. 
E: Do you love it?

M: Uh, yes, of course I love Paris. And the food is so delicious. The fashion, so chic. The lights, so magical. But the people...so mean (a statement that someone is being unkind or cruel).

E: Mm-hm...I mean they can't all be mean.

M: Oh, yes, they can. Chinese people are mean behind your back. French people, mean to your face. But you're on vacation here, so..

E: Oh, no, actually, I work here. I have a job with a French Marketing firm. 
M: Seriously? Well, so you know. 
E: Well, I just started. 
M: Oh. Do you have any friends in Paris?
E: Uh, no. 
M: Are you lonely?
E: Sometime [chuckles softly]
M: Give me your phone. Okay, so here is my number. You're lonely, you text me, and we have dinner. I'm Mindy. 

E: Emily. Nice to meet you.
M: French people do this (touch cheeks and kiss the air near the ear while making a light air kissing sound). 

-------------------------------------

L: Ah. Emily. Ah..
E: Luc! Hi. 

L: I..I just want to say I am sorry for this. I..I do not agree to calling you "La plouc" (The hick). [Sitting next to Emily, takes a deep breath, clears throat] You know..We are all a little afraid of you. 

E: What? Afraid of me? How?
L: Your ideas. They are more new. Maybe they are better. Now you are here, and, uh, maybe we feel we have to work harder, make more money.

E: It's a balance. 

L: Exactly. A balance. And I think the Americans have the wrong balance. You live to work. We work to live. Yes, it's good to make money. but what you say is success, I say is punishment. 

E: But, I enjoy work..and accomplishment. It makes me happy. 
L: Work makes you happy?
E: Yes, I mean, it's..it's..it's why I'm here. For work. And look where it's brought me. To this beautiful city. 

L: Maybe you dont know what is is to be happy. 
E: Or maybe that's a little arrogant.
L: Ah, you came to Paris and you dont speak French. That is arrogant. 
E: Hm..More ignorant than arrogant. [sighs]
L: Well, let's call it the arrogance of ignorance. 
E: I'm sorry if I offended you.  
L: Oh, I'm not offended by anything. [Emily chuckles] I see you tomorrow, Emily. Mm-hm? Ah. Dont be early! [Chuckles].

E: French is such a funny language. Why is it la plouc and not le plouc?
S: I guess it depends on the plouc you're referring to.
E: Look, I know that you all aren't that happy to have me here and my French could use some work. 

S: A little bit.
E: Okay. It's basically merde, but I have some ideas about marketing De L'Heure that I like to share you. I studied the marketing plan before I got to Paris. It's weak. 

S: Oh, how so?
E: You're piggybacking off the ad campaign. Very little social engagement. I know you're about to launch and you're keeping me out of the loop.

S: True. The party is tonight.
E: What? Were you gonna tell me this, uh never?

S: Listen, I..dont agree with your approach. You want everything to be everywhere, accessible to everyone. You want to open doors. I want to close doors. We work with very exclusive brands. And they require mystery, and..[scoffs]...you have no mystery. You're very obvious.  

E: Maybe I am. But I do understand what it means to be on the outside looking in. I have a perspective that you will never understand. Because, no, I'm not sophisticated or French, and I dont know how to look like you. That slouchy, sexy, je ne sais quoi thing. But I am the customer that wants it. And you're not because.. you've already got it, and you dont even know how you did it. 

S: So you want to go to this party?
E: Bien sur. 
S: Fine. Be there at eight.  
E: Wonderful. Any tips on what to wear?
S: Not that.

could use
used for saying that someone or something needs a particular thing very much
ex: You both look as if you could use a drink.

merde
a French word for “shit,” used as a mild, generally humorous exclamation in English.
ex: "Merde! What had she done!"

piggybacking off: to use something that already exists or has already been done successfully to do something else quickly or effectively. piggyback on/off/onto sth The mobile phone company managed to break into European markets by piggybacking off existing networks.

about to: intending to do something or close to doing something very soon. The ceremony was about to begin. 

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P: Emily. Quelle métamorphose! Tres belle. 
E: Oh, merci.
P: Emily has just arrived from, uh, America. 
A: Ah, Antoine Lambert. And my wife, Catherine. Enchante.
E: Enchantee here as well.
P: Antoine, of course, owns Maison Lavaux, and he is the best nose in France. 
E: Well, it's..It's very symmetrical. 

[group laughs]

A: Not literally my nose. A noise is what we call the perfumer, the one who composes the scent. 
P: Emily unfortunately does not speak French. 
C: And why did you come to Paris?
E: To bring an American perspective from a marketing point of view. 
A: Hm. And how do you things look from that point of view?

E: I think you have an amazing, sexy product that could practically induce pregnancy in older women. I mean, it's part of the reason I'm here. 

P: Sorry?
E: Uh, yeah.. never mind. sorry. it's a long story. 
A: Please. I'm curious. 

E: Well, I think we can do much more on social. Last year at my company we marketed a vaccine to help combat the chikungunya virus and saturated the web with such gorgeous content, we were actually responsible for increasing tourism in the Virgin Island by 30 percent. If you googled "tropical beach", "vacation", "paradise", you were directed to our product. Oh, and the best thing is we can track everything.  Who have used what, when, where, and for how long. 

C: What is she saying? [scoffs]

[group chuckles]

P: Juliette from Marie Claire is waiting to talk to you. Please.
A: Interesting ideas. It's nice to meet you. 
S: Are you crazy? You dont talk about work at a party.
E: He asked me. 
S: Well, then you change the subject. You know, we're at a soiree, not a conference call. Oh, mon Dieu ! [Sighs]

induce: succeed in persuading or influencing someone to do something. The pickets induced many workers to stay away.

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A: How are you enjoying Paris?
E: I love it. I mean, who wouldn't, right? I'm sorry if I was talking too much about work. Sometimes I just get a little over enthusiastic, and, uh, I know it's a party. Cheers.

A: Sante.

[glasses drink]

A: You're not wearing the perfume.
E: Not yet. I'm sorry. 
A: Here. Try a little here. and right here. [perfume spritzes]
E: [sniffs] 
A: It suits you. 
E: Ah, it smells really good. I'm just not usually a perfume girl. 

A: And why not? It's like wearing beautiful lingerie. Makes you feel more confident. Sexier. Happier. And of course, with the right chemistry, it can be an aphrodisiac.

E: I will keep all of that in mind for our marketing materials. User experience is key. 
A: Mm-hm. And how do you experience it? What does it smell like to you?

E:  [sniffs] Gardenia. Leather. Musk. And a little bit like sweat...although that's probably me. It's like wearing poetry. 

A: Genial. I love it. Like wearing poetry. Exactly. I'm very happy to have an American on my team. We will learn from each other. I look forward to working with you. And to get to know you, Emily.  

 -------------------------------------

P: Hey, very successful party last night. Antoine was impressed by you. He would like you to work on the account. 

E: Really?
P: Yeah. 
E: That's great. I thought maybe I was too enthusiastic. 
S: Oh, I would love the help on the account, but we discussed that Emily was gonna work on Vaga-Jeune.
P: Uh, what..what's Vaga Jeune?
E: What's Vaga Jeune?
P: Uh, suppositoires so that the vagina can become mouille. 
E: I'm sorry?
S: Suppositoires to promote vaginal wetness in older women. So, Emily will work in this for now?

P: Oui. It's an important product. A necessity. So first, you start with the necessities and them you move to the luxuries. 

S: Yeah, exactement! And your experience is with Pharmaceuticals, so this makes total sense. 
E: Of course. 
S: Good. I will send you all the materials for Vaga-Jeune.

-------------------------------------

M: Ah. Cute alert! How do you know about this place?
E: I live right down there, and every time I pass by, it's packed. 
M: Ah. Bon appetit.
E: So, what brought you to Paris?

M: Mm, At first, business school. My father insisted, and he's used to getting his way. Well, it's his dream to have his only child, me, take over the family business. 

E: Well, what's your dream?

M: Just anything but that [scoffs]. But ever since I was a child, I was obsessed with the idea of living in Paris. Um, so I enrolled in school here and dropped out. I'm used to getting my way too. 

E: So that's why you become a nanny? 
M: Yes, because when my father found out, he cut me off. 
E: Ooh, I'm sorry. That harsh (cruel). 

M: No, it's wonderful. I mean, I'd much rather have my freedom. Otherwise I'd be living a very predictable life in China. You know it's funny. I grew up with nannies, and now I am one. 

E: Well, I'm very glad you're here.
M: Mm-hmm.

[Food is coming]

E: Uh, this steak isn't cooked at all. Excuse me! Pardon [waiter is coming] I ordered this medium, and it's still kind of bloody.  

[Gabriel is coming]

E: Gabriel? You're the chef here? 

G: Emily. Is there a problem? You haven't touch it. You know, I'd be happy to burn it for you, but promise me you'll try it first.

E: [chuckle, start eating] Mm..suprisingly tender!
G: See. I knew you'd like it if you gave it a chance. Bon appetite, ladies. 

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E: [Translating word of Vaga Jeune] Young Vagina. Hmm, I guess everyone wants one. The irony of menopause, just when you have time to really explore your mature, adventurous, sensual self, the vagina goes on strike. [asking silvie] why is the vagina masculine? Why is it le vagin, and not la vagin? 

S: Oh, I dont know. It just is. Maybe it's because it's something a woman owns and a man possesses.
E: Your language is seriously effed up. 

[Emily make a tweet: The vagina is not male!

on strike: engaged in a stoppage of work, services, or other activities.

possesses: have sexual intercourse with (a woman). he just wanted her, to possess her.

effed up
used as euphemism for fucked-up.
ex: I knew some seriously twisted, effed up stuff happens on this show, but that completely took me by surprise.

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E: I should never have come here.
M: No! It's good you came.

E: I feel like Alice Through the Looking Glass. It's like up is down. I'll never learn the language or understand anything here. Do you realize this city is laid out in circles? Like they deliberately designed it to confuse us. 

M: It's an illogical culture, but it's a beautiful one too. Better to just let it wash over you (affect someone suddenly). 

E: Yeah, but that's just it. I'm worried I might drown. Maybe I'm just not cut out (naturally able or suit) for this city, you know? I thought it was gonna be an adventure. 

M: And it is. Maybe an even better one than you imagined. 
E: I just never pictured my self here alone. 

M: You're not alone. You have a friend here now. Paris is the most exciting city in the world. And you never know what's gonna happen next. You'll be fine. 

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P: I've got a message from the CEO of Vaga-Jeune. Brigitte Macron has just posted something on her Twitter account about their product. 

S: What?
P: It came from Emily's instagram account. 
J: Oh wow.
P: The client is delighted
S: [Read the tweet] The vagina is not male!
J: That's for sure. 

[cell phone vibrating]

M: [Texting] Brigitte Macron just retweeted you!
E: Oh, My God.
P: Emily! Come join us. Please.
E: I guess you saw the post.
P: Yeah. Emily, you have made my last day here quite memorable. 
E: I'm so glad.
S: Yeah, well done, Emily. Well, I guess a new chapter at Savoir has begun.
E: Thank you, Sylvie. I'm really looking forward to working with you.
S: To our very own American Vaga-Jeune. Sante.

M: Bonjour, Paris! 
E: Hi, Chicago. What time is it there?
M: It's 1 a.m. With the nausea, the sore boobs, and enough gas to launch a parade float, I can't sleep!
E: Well, this'll give you something to dream about.
M: Aw. Where are you?
E: Jogging on the Seine. 
M: It is gorgeous. You are living my life. Except for... the jogging part. And how's Doug like it?
E: Uh.. Doug isn't actually coming. We're, umm..We're not together anymore.
M: What? So you're single? In Paris? Okay, now I'm even jealous. Hm, So how's the Paris office treating you? 

E: Oh, yeah, they're a fun bunch. Uh, I'm fitting right in.

M: Wonderful. I'll send the corporate commandments from the Chicago office so you can give them an idea of our best practices.

E: Great. I'm sure they'll love to hear those, especially from me. 

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by Alex Katsomitros

Emily in Paris is an American romantic comedy-drama television series. Since its 2020 debut, the Netflix show "Emily in Paris" has prompted many Americans to fantasize about moving to Paris, pushing an age-old image of the city as the most romantic place on earth. Its plot plays on stereotypes, as Emily, a bubbly (very lively and cheerful), hopelessly naive Chicagoan, wins over the rude but charming Parisians at her office and in her personal life.

The show, whose third season premiered Wednesday, is meant to be "a lighthearted romantic comedy," its creator, Darren Star, told The Hollywood Reporter in 2021, poking fun at "clichés that everyone has experienced at one time or another (not very often, but occasionally), both from the American point of view and the French point of view."

poking fun at: tease or ridicule (someone) in a mocking way. The sandal magazine is known for poking fun at politicians and other public figures

But even with the acknowledgment that life isn't a rom-com (romantic comedy movie), many young American women who've moved to Paris have discovered that the real McCoy — or macaron — is much more complicated than it looks on Netflix.

McCoy: (informal) the real thing; the genuine article. The apparent fake turned out to be the real McCoy.

"Real life is taking the metro and seeing rats at night. It's harder than TV," says Kiana Tiese, 29, a New Yorker who's been living in Paris since 2017. In her TikTok videos, Tiese shows her followers how actual life in the City of Light compares with Emily's escapades (adventure).

"Being an expat is about how much you grow as a person. Emily doesn't jump into French culture," Tiese says. "Many Americans expect people to adapt to them. Once you are an expat and not just a visitor, it's different."

Work-life balance in France is better, expats say — but Emily's social-media savvy isn't unique

In the show, French corporate culture is depicted as rigid and hierarchical. There's backstabbing and resistance to change, but also a healthy work-life balance — as Emily is constantly told it's "illegal" to work on weekends.

There is some truth to that, says Cara Anne Chapman, a 33-year-old dancer and aerial acrobat living in Paris. "I find working here much better than the US," she says. "There are more rules that protect workers. For example, I can't have two shifts that are less than 11, 12 hours apart."

According to Tiese, the competition between colleagues at Emily's marketing agency, Savoir, also has some basis in reality. "Working with French people can be challenging sometimes, because their mentality around teamwork is the opposite of the US approach," says Tiese, who works at a department store. "They are more focused on themselves and working on their projects, rather than trying to create together."

One thing the show gets wrong is Parisians' relationship to social media, says Ember Langley, a 30-year-old marketing executive from Alabama who works in Paris. Emily often succeeds by teaching her old-school French colleagues the power of Instagram. But the on-the-ground reality is different. 

"If I was a French marketing professional, I would be asking myself, 'Does she think we are stupid?'" Langley says. "Europe can sometimes be a few years behind the US in technology. But the way social media is used in the show is a misrepresentation. She makes it look easy, posting a bad picture and getting thousands of followers."

'Most landlords do not want to rent to Americans'

One distinct feature of life in Paris that the show chooses to ignore: dealing with the tentacles of French bureaucracy, including an unfriendly rental market for Americans.

Andrea Alvarez, who's from Atlanta, moved to Paris with her French husband just before the coronavirus pandemic. She says getting a visa was a nightmare. "There is an online list of necessary documents, but when you get there, they ask you for three different versions of the paperwork," she says. "It all depends on the person — some are mean."

On one occasion, a visa officer was openly hostile. "They were asking why I was in France, since I didn't speak French," Alvarez says. "When my husband came over, the same person had a very different attitude, almost flirting with him."

Like Emily, Amy Kehrig, 33, left a successful career in Chicago to move to Paris. She'd wanted to live there since she was a child, and when the pandemic hit, she says, "I realized I had been dedicating my life to making somebody else's dream come true in the corporate grind (hard dull work)."

But Emily's charming flat isn't reflective of the reality of apartment-hunting in Paris. When Kehrig arrived in the city to study photography in early 2022, "I was coming here to experience life as a Parisian," she says, adding, "I wanted to treat myself and get this luxurious apartment overlooking the Eiffel Tower."

Kehrig says she soon learned that "most landlords do not want to rent to Americans." "We are known for having more resources and being demanding," she adds. (Another American expat corroborated that assessment). So she turned to a reliable-looking agency that catered to Americans. When she visited one of the agency's apartments, it was different from the pictures, with wear and tear all over, but she decided to take it, as her Airbnb rental was about to end.

The apartment quickly became a nightmare. The washer, dryer, and air conditioner didn't work, and just a week after Kehrig moved in, construction work started in the building.

Kehrig soon discovered that the agency was charging about 500 euros over the rent-control limit for Parisian apartments by incorrectly classifying her apartment as a secondary residence. When she complained to the agency, Kehrig was told the apartment wasn't classified as her primary residence because she wasn't a French citizen — but that isn't how the law works.

"Many people moving here have no idea about all that," Kehrig says. "They are desperate for housing, because nobody will rent to them. So they find these apartments and pay a lot, not knowing that they're getting scammed."

Eventually, Kehrig decided to take legal action and move out. "That's something I always joke about," she says. "They didn't show this episode of 'Emily in Paris.'"

Paris' racial and ethnic diversity isn't reflected in the show

Despite Paris' ethnic diversity, only one of the show's French characters — Emily's cheery coworker Julien — is Black. "Paris is very diverse, so having just one Black guy is odd," says Alvarez, who identifies as multiracial.

Racism in Paris "is not as in your face as in the US, but it's systemic," says Alvarez. While walking with her daughter in an affluent neighborhood, she says, she has been asked how long she has been a nanny.

"One difference from the US is that this is rarely discussed in France. They are in denial," Alvarez says. "You hear jokes about other races, like they live in the 1920s."

That's reflected in the show's choice of settings, which focus on posh parts of the capital like Place des Vosges and the romantic bateaux, or river boats, on the Seine rather than on lesser-known areas with more residents of color.

"I have lived in districts with many African residents, and you don't see that kind of place in the show," Tiese says. "Perhaps they should shoot in Strasbourg-Saint Denis. It's not as attractive as the Eiffel Tower, but it has its own charm."

And while Paris may be the world's fashion capital, Parisians are less fashion-minded than one would think from watching the show. "I was surprised to find out how normal people are. Nobody walks around wearing designer clothes," says Karina Reyes, 35, a product manager who moved to Paris in May.

Wandering eyes, fickle hearts

Part of the French capital's allure is its ever-present promise of life-changing encounters. In the first episode of the show, Emily meets her eventual best friend, Mindy — a Chinese expat — while walking in a park. By the end of the first season, she's made some Parisian friends, too. But socializing in the real Paris can be far more challenging.

"The part I found unrealistic was how quickly she made French friends," says Emmanuella Hristova, 31, a teacher from California who lives in Paris. "Normally, it takes a lot of effort and time."

The women interviewed mentioned several roadblocks to making French friends: the language barrier, the fact that locals had already spent decades building groups of friends, and just plain old busyness.
Building long-lasting friendships with other expats is also difficult, as many leave after a few years. "You meet people quickly, but that might be transient," Tiese says.

And while Emily immediately draws romantic interest from both Frenchmen and expats, real-life dating in Paris is much more challenging. "Sometimes, when a guy knows you are American, they will not take you seriously," Tiese says. "They think it will be easy, that you are here for a good time."

In the show, Parisians are depicted as avid cheaters, always on the lookout for a new erotic adventure. Kehrig had a taste of Parisian promiscuity recently when a Frenchman approached her while walking his dog in her neighborhood. 

With his fluent English and Parisian charm, he made everything look magical. "It felt like an 'Emily in Paris' moment, like I was in the show," Kehrig says. But it turned out her beau had multiple girlfriends, didn't live in the neighborhood, and had a teenage child in the US.

"Many people here have wandering eyes," Kehrig says. "It's not always the most faithful cultural environment, which the show gets right through Emily's neighbor cheating on his girlfriend. It's as if there is a secret society or code where many people are cheating and everyone knows it's happening, but it's all left unspoken."

have wandering eyes
A wandering eye is usually about someone checking someone else out and flirting with them, but not necessarily engaging in a sexual or romantic relationship with them. It's normal for men to have wandering eyes—yes all men darling—it's in their nature but shouldn't be used as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour.

"Many women come here with the delusion that they will have all the things Emily experiences: love, laughter, and wine," says Sierra Ripoche, a 32-year-old teacher from Georgia. "Some nights can be like that, but it's also one of the loneliest cities for expats."

The show may poke fun at Emily, but expats say a little American optimism isn't a bad thing

In the show's second season, Alfie, a cynical British banker who becomes Emily's love interest, questions Paris' image as the City of Love, calling the reputation a facade. "It's selling you something that is not real," he tells Emily, who responds that it's all about how you decide to look at it.

facade: an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality/ Her flawless public facade masked private despair.

"When you are an expat, you want that fairy tale," Kehrig says. "You come here when you are single because it is such a romantic city, and you hope you will magically find someone."

The show may exaggerate that side of Paris, but it still exists, Kehrig says: "This city is full of love. There are people stopping in the middle of the street to kiss or walking along the Seine holding hands."

Emily's coworkers may take aim at her brazen American optimism. But it can also come in handy (to turn out to be useful when needed), keeping the dream of Paris alive amid the difficult day-to-day reality of expat life.

"The show does mock us a bit," Tiese says. "But we can take it. We deserve it."